eld-ass ring

can't wait to level dex

ring that makes you eld

game is good but I don't know why they didn't just name it Dark Souls

like bloodborne and sekiro were very much their own things but elden ring is straight up just Dark Souls, Some More

like not in a bad way but it's literally just Big Dark Souls and the bonfires are gems now

also immensely funny that they hired George "Two Rs" Martin Himself to write the ultimate dark fantasy epic and the result is "...the great Ring....... was Shattered......... by Evil.................. we call that time it got shattered... The Shattering......."

every time you encounter the words "elden ring" in dialogue/lore you can mentally substitute "kingdom hearts" without changing the meaning

I don't know if dark souls really benefits from the addition of Skyrim Caves, but boy they sure did put Skyrim Caves in dark souls huh

huge missed opportunity: when you hit the Touch Grace button prompt you don't get gigantic text that says GRACE TOUCHED

I'm enjoying large dark souls a lot but I do wish the music was anything other than Infinite Meaningless Sad Viola Drones

mod to replace the elden ring soundtrack with the like six hours of ambient electronica that Tangerine Dream wrote and recorded for GTAV that literally no one heard because every time you get in a vehicle it automatically turns the radio on

very cool that the most *exceptionally* horrifying diseased monstrosities all deal Holy damage, for some reason

I have not yet found the Lore that would explain this but it's incredibly evocative

I've been spending nearly all of my free time playing elden ring for the past few days and boy i gotta say my dreams every night have absolutely sucked ass

elden ring but with the doom 2016 soundtrack

im like 60 hours into this game and every piece of armor ive found looks like a car accident draped in garbage bags

im like level a billion and killing dragons and ancient gods and the most terrifyingly overwhelming enemy is still Somewhat Large Bears

*why don't they just ask the eagles to drop the ring into the volcano voice* why don't they just make a bear the elden lord

haha remember how dark souls' ending made zero sense and the loredump that explained what linking the fire actually does was nearly impossible to find in a normal playthrough because you had to basically sequence-break the game to find it

sure hope elden ring doesn't do that

(they're absolutely going to do this again aren't they)

elden ring is an exceptionally good game but so far my biggest actual *complaint* is that a huge number of boss fights are just "hey remember that boss that was really hard? here's Two Of Them At The Same Time"

totally uninteresting ON TOP OF being incredibly frustrating to play

previous fromsoft games did this occasionally, but those games' more linear progression meant that boss difficulty was a lot more... considered

this one gets to a point like "ehhh, another skyrim cave, some skeletons, sure put two Crucible Knights at the end whatever fuck it"

weapons having minimum INT stat requirements is hilarious

"ohhHHhHhh sir *this* sword has a *gem* in the pommel; I'm afraid you're far too stupid to wield it"

really love the idea of a guy in full plate armor carrying a 12-foot halberd sneaking up on his opponents by Crouching

holding george two rs martin personally responsible for the number of blighttown curse frogs in this game

elden ring is like... maybe bad for my brain lol

the thing I like about DS is methodically unraveling the structure of a space, building a 3D map of a castle in my brain, but eldring is so fucking HUGE that trying to play it this way is hell. I spent 6 hours in the capital city

I can't just like pass through a place on the way through to somewhere else; I am compelled to, like, CLEAR it before proceeding, but it turns out that's an utter fool's errand

the sheer scope and complexity of the level design in this game feels... maybe unprecedented?

like how the fuck did they even make this. the only games with comparably-sized worlds are MMOs, and those are built up over years via subscription/gacha money

being able to reuse four games' worth of assets helps but even then, just the SCOPE of it feels untenable at any budget

yeah, this lmao

the only explanation I can think of is they did it sort of FFVII style, i.e. the art/env folks were just building Stuff nonstop with minimal oversight since like 2016, and then as the project started to come together they connected all the Stuff and worked out the macro structure

[minor elden ring spoilers]

I've been trying to work out why every faction in the world wants to kill me, and then this one spell description is like "oh yeah, that giant tree? everyone fuckin hates it. it's only the dominant religion because of a bunch of wars of conquest"

also the Perfumers seem to be the only faction that could arguably be described as "good" and they ALSO immediately try to kill me on sight, which, hmmmmmm

"No enemy ahead" message, surrounded by bloodstains

all of them are people running straight into an elevator shaft lmao

i played too much elden ring and now i keep starting it and then getting mad and quitting it when something kills me

Ranni is so fuckin cool

I hope nothing bad happens to her

unfortunately she is in a fromsoft game so her chance of not meeting a tragic end is basically zero but uhhhhh i can still hope

girls with giant witch hats and welsh accents who want to unmake the universe rt if u agree

got so mad at a bullshit death i went to the grocery store

these fuckers might genuinely be the worst thing fromsoft has ever made

*DK rap heavily compressed to fit on an n64 cartridge voice while i get stunlocked to death for the nine thousandth time* HE HAS
NO
POISE

okay I think I found this game's sephiroth lmao

"okay it's a boss with a super long skinny sword that's just a tornado of combos; maybe this is supposed to be a parry fight?"

nope lmao you need *THREE* consecutive parries for one visceral and it does about the same damage as a regular attack

incredible lol

Pants For Guys That Are Depraved

do you get the pants when you become Depraved or do you need to already be wearing them in order to get Depraved

Blackpilled Millennial Trousers

sekiro is better because you can parry dogs

it's not even hard

[minor elden ring spoilers]

okay max-upgrade ghiza wheel + mimic tear is the funniest weapon we just chainsawed a legendary dragon to death

okay I finished elden ring

that was..... basically every minute of my free time for 2.5 weeks

there's still at least one chunk of the map I never even found lmao

after 140 hours of carefully reading and analyzing every single item description and fragment of cutscene dialog I can confirm that this statement remains completely true