me, overwhelmed with pride and happiness as one of my anime teens dodges and then kills a man with a counterattack: This must be what fatherhood feels like

I should prob make a thread for fire emblem tweets

I'm about six hours into this game and it hasn't explained the distinctions between any of the weapon types or what any of the stats govern

I'm reading forum posts from six years ago explaining how this game works

JRPG rule #1 nEVER TRUST THE CATHOLICS

I've never played any fires emblem before this one and boy this game sure seems to be about constantly making really important decisions with zero context or understanding of how your answers affect the outcome or what that outcome might even be

finally got some time to continue playing FE and I'm just listening to the battle-prep music looping instead of actually starting the battle

it's extremely good

also this UI rules

I mean okay it's literally just that rad clock from prague but that rad clock from prague also rules

thanks for the helpful tip explaining what turns are, nine hours into the game

extremely into this Terragen-ass 256x256 scrolling cloud texture

Neat detail: the shadow map is blended in using a halftone pattern

adds a nice bit of detail around shadow edges, and also nicely hides the (actually really severe) shadow acne

byleth's boobs have surpassed "monolithic" and approach "frankly somewhat alarming" and nobody on my feed is talking about this

it's particularly bizarre bc like... I'm all for hot anime characters but byleth is in all other respects about as sexual as a piece of furniture

like... her eyes don't move? ever?

also most of her animations are literally just straight lerping between poses. like not even eased, just straight up Quaternion.Slerping her head towards the next target point

All the other characters have normal-looking animation. It's pretty bland/utilitarian, but everyone moves at least somewhat naturally

...except for the actual player character, who for some reason moves like they're from a The Mind's Eye laserdisc?

it's extremely odd

Also odd: All the backgrounds for the support cutscenes are prerendered cubemaps, but the perspective's all screwy?

everything's all stretched and bendy with weird seams where the perspective abruptly shifts

it's like the cubemap's mapped onto something that isn't a cube

this isn't really a complaint given that it took me like 11 hours to even notice it, but it's interesting

whatever translator came up with "Amiibo Gazebo" deserves the nobel prize

hashtag blaze it

"Every cutscene has a giant illustration of the character's face next a 3D model of that same face" is a very powerful aesthetic

my brain is parsing "House vs House Lance" with the same structure as like "Wood vs Wood Saw"

that House is gonna get absolutely bodied

is this dota

I have decided Caspar is the only boy who is good

gotta work on recruiting so I can construct a team that's basically Caspar punching people while hanging out with his nine axe-lesbian friends

if caspar was at a normal high school instead of like AP Catholic War Crimes he'd be that one kid who was extremely into tricking

I guess that or lacrosse but that's sort of cheating bc sort of the entire setting of the game is essentially Rich Catholic Lacrosse Teens But With Swords

Petra is the only person I've managed to complete the tea minigame with bc all of her interests are essentially DUDE YOU HEAR ABOUT SWORDS?? HELL YEAH

*narrator voice*

this isn't actually SUPPOSED to be a joke but it absolutely reads as one lmao

this game's music is generally very good but boy there sure isn't enough of it. I'm over 20 hours in and at least half of that has been spent listening to the three-minute-long monastery loop and let me tell you it has begun to Grate

caspar punched a horse to death

the marketplace music was not composed by Hitoshi Sakimoto and is yet the most Hitoshi-Sakimoto-ass piece of music I've heard in years

I would link it to provide context for this tweet but nintendo keeps deleting the soundtrack off youtube lol

with the way this game's systems are designed it seems like there are a lot of utterly bizarre ways you could abuse the design?

for one thing I think you could hypothetically dead-end the entire game by squandering all of your money on fishing bait and tea leaves? If you can't repair weapons I'm not sure you could even pass some of the battles using only broken gear. Depends how many casters you have prob

With the calendar structure there isn't any way to grind to overcome stat disadvantages either...

Really though I guess the permadeath thing already meant that the devs were 100% fine with players possibly getting trapped in unsalvageable save files

also the XP rewards for kills are MASSIVE compared to every other activity, bc they're designed to be shared across 10 chars

I think you could skip the monastery entirely, pick Battle every week, and have exactly one character engage every single enemy?

you might have trouble on big levels with turn limits, but you'd rapidly end up with your one character like 30 levels above par and effectively immune to damage

doing literally anything in this game takes like an hour and a half

100% cheating at tea parties dont @ me

they put a timer on it to stop you googling the answers but I've outwitted them by pushing the Home button

Good morning class; today the Pope has asked us to execute like 15 dudes, in exchange for a Meat

lotta dead wives in this theocracy

[speaking vaguely to avoid spoilers here]

I know it's a JRPG and all but a character did just get tragically knife-murdered in a cutscene while surrounded by my entire team of mages that know Heal

thinking about bernadetta getting a crit and yelling WHY IS THIS HAPPENING

so, weirdly, byleth is insanely overpowered just due to raw levels, but I can't upgrade her to any of the advanced classes bc she amasses skill points at like 1/3 the rate of the students bc she's the only character that doesn't benefit from Instruction

I think that's technically what Seminars are for but those seem like an incredibly poor use of time

AFTER 52 HOURS I HAVE SUCCESSFULLY RECRUITED ALL OF THE ANIME GIRLS

well except hilda bc she's apparently some sort of weird special case for reasons that are unclear to me

honored to serve in edelgard's revolutionary army of fourteen lesbians

I've made no attempt at grinding or minmaxing and I'm still so overleveled that my go-to strategy is just put Edelgard in the middle of the biggest cluster of enemies on the map and hit Wait

she takes zero damage and kills like five people in one turn via counterattack

PLOT IS HAPPENING AAAA

War Is Bad/Wow Cool Empress

there are few storytelling devices as powerful as the Dramatic Costume Change and this game just pulled like 20 of them at once

well it took 57 hours but the monastery music finally became good

nobody cut their hair for five years

lmao looks like this game features the classic Mass Effect system where a character's next conversation is Get Married but you picked the wrong gender so they just abruptly stop having anything to say for the rest of their lives

I'm afraid bernadetta's in the middle of some calibrations

so much of the voice acting in this is incredibly good

it's particularly neat bc most of the characters have some sort of 1-dimensional affect/type the VAs have to convey, but they manage that while still expressing subtlety and unique characteristics

somebody just used "it can't be helped" in a normal way that actually fit naturally in a regular english sentence

thinking about byleth spending her saturday eating nine consecutive dinners

caspar punched a bird to death

edelgard keeps one-shotting all the unique enemies before I can hear their music

excuse me

man all of hubert's higher support scenes are incredibly interesting

this game took a really, really absurdly long time to start playing its narrative cards, but it's really nailing the landing on a lot of the arcs it set up

I did not go into this game expecting a 70+ hour commitment geez

it's really good but like

please end

I can only handle like one of these things a year; I have not remotely recovered from xenoblade chronicles yet

lmao bernie can crit deadeyes now

everyone relying on context clues to decide whether any given tweet is referring to the politician or the anime girl

you could have made Fire Emblem: One House and it would still be 80 hours long why is there so much videogame in this videogame

I love that edelgard's neutral expression is essentially ಠ_ಠ

"gigantic map where enemies get stronger every turn, composed almost entirely of tiles that halve your movement speed" is not a fun way to design a climactic battle holy crap

rot13 spoiler:

pnfcne chapurq gur cbcr gb qrngu

yes I did actually put a bunch of effort into setting up the last few turns specifically to execute this joke

okay I finished Fire Emblem: Three Thousand Hours Long

it's good

the little text epilogues for all the characters are absolutely wonderful and I want basically every game from now on to do the same

Writing and voice acting are fantastic, I love all the characters, combat's fun, it's WAY TOO LONG

there are still a bunch of really interesting plot threads I want to know about but apparently I have to play this 80-hour game three more times to actually see all of the plot, which is just...... why would you design a game like that aagh

so yeah everyone please re-retweet all the spoiler fanart from weeks ago so I can look at it now