buying pokemon to own the gamers

SINCE WE LIVE IN A JRPG, I WILL EXPLAIN THE BASIC PRINCIPLES OF REALITY TO THIS STADIUM FULL OF PEOPLE

honestly this is probably one of my favorite jrpg tropes

I need a sheep Right Now

I always go with Thew when games ask for a name but this one feels real weird bc the NPCs all use my name CONSTANTLY

technically it's the first ever was actually in like 1999 when a friend let me play Blue on his gameboy and I just picked Hyper Beam every turn because it was obviously The Best Move and then it stopped working and I didn't know why

my rabbit set a squirrel on fire and then kicked it unconscious

I🐑need🐑a🐑sheep

🐑🐑🐑SHEEP🐑GET🐑🐑🐑

can't believe I just beat Pokemon Sword

I don't know anything about how these games are designed but the optimal strategy is a team consisting of six sheep right

hold up is my phone a pokemon

Hell yeah I do I know there's A Sheep and then like six hundred other ones that only exist so that my A Sheep can shoot them with Hyper Beam, which is The Best Move

every time I open the unity profiler

hey so like

what am I supposed to DO with pokemon

I have a lot of them but I can only level six at a time so like... apart from making sure I have a team that covers most of the elements, are the rest just kind of collectibles with no particular utility? or what?

can't buy potions or revives to keep my pokemons alive because I need to save all my money for haircuts and cool pants

my rabbit evolved pants

everyone I know on this website

*to the tune of the pokemon theme song*

POKEMON
GOTTA POKE EM OOOOOOOOOON

so I know my username says I've never played pokemon but the thing about having been 11 in 1999 is that I know basically everything there is to know about pokemon EXCEPT any of the actual game mechanics

I could name every gen 1 pokemon and I saw like half of the anime at other kids' houses and I had a burger king geodude and three pokemon cards that I found lying on the ground in various parking lots

if you were 11 in 1999 pokemon essentially supplanted capitalism as the framework that defined every facet of societal relationships

lmao why is Rock weak to Fighting

like sure glhf just go punch this sentient boulder into submission

after 21 years I can finally die in peace

regret to inform you that pikachu has been killed by a sentient blob of whipped cream

I love how every trainer is in awe of my incredible power, as the only 13-year-old to realize you can carry six pokemon into one fight

Nessa rules and I'm sad this isn't structured like the 90s anime where if you beat a gym leader they join your party for wacky adventures

all of my cute pokemon keep evolving into badass pokemon this sucks

they should START badass and get smaller and cuter as they get more powerful come on this is blatantly obvious game design stuff

did the xenoblade localization team handle this game

I played pokemon on a bus I'm finally a true millennial

suddenly realized my character is just Lysithea

I am finding pokemon combat somewhat dull

it seems like the way to have fun with combat is to go crazy with minmax strategies, but doing so requires 20+ years of intuitive knowledge about how the hundreds of moves/items/abilities/elements/stats/natures all interact

man this game is entirely uhinterested in doing the JRPG town thing huh

got to the giant castle city in the middle of the map and a dude right at the entrance tells you to go talk to another person and they give you like three lines of Lore and then send you on to the next town

I hate the battle-results music so much

it's like obnoxiously treble-y and like four seconds long and just shreds your ears through an ETERNITY of menuing while all your mons level up and learn moves and you decide not to nickname the one you just caught and send it to a box and

Ah yes, the famed deserts of the English Midlands

I tried turning off battle animations and it made all the fights incredibly boring but also like 4x faster so it might still be a net decrease in boringness

FIGHTGIRL IS COOL

my rabbit evolved into just an actual human man in a rabbit costume

Hattrem will check your vibes with extreme prejudice

Controversial take: goth sundress girl owns

if this isn't already a meme it definitely needs to be

here's pokemon taking over a solid minute to let me win a fight in one hit

I.... don't think I like pokemon

I think what I actually like is pokemon fanart lol

All the trainer/gym leader designs are fantastic but the game barely even uses them. All the artists I follow are having way more fun with the characters than the actual game does

prob still gonna finish the main plot since I've gotten this far. wish I liked it more though :(

that's a Heartless

just once I want to go to a pokecenter and have the nurse be like STOP HURTING YOUR PETS WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU

walk into a veterinary clinic like hey can yall fix my budgie thanks it's Unconscious after I made it fight a raccoon

why do I have to use 10+ pokeballs to capture literally anything in this game

am goth now

I'm crazy strong and flush with cash

NPC trainers please bring even slightly useful pokemon to max raids challenge 2020

welcome to twitter dot com

I wanna be

the very best

by feeding like 40 XP candies to this bird

Team Yell's backpack-size safety pins are a great touch

normal gem

why does this game only have one battle theme it's like a thousand hours long

okay Spikemuth rules lol

JRPG prog-rock juggalo dumpster city

everyone takes it as a given that I desperately want to become The Pokemon Champion or whatever but like....... I really don't? Can we just let Marnie have it? She seems to care about it

There have been multiple times where there's Cool Plot Stuff happening and I'm given a dialog option to ask if I can help and the response is literally "nah you just focus on winning pokemon fights we'll handle this"

like they literally went to the trouble of writing a plot with weird lore mysteries and discoveries and stuff that's explicitly being experienced by OTHER CHARACTERS, but not you, because you exist only to win pokemon fights

I need more XP candies to further obliterate any semblance of game balance and none of these online cowards are joining my raid battles

Stealth Rock sucks it never makes winning fights any harder it just makes winning fights more *annoying*

basically every artist I follow has decided that Marnie and the girl protagonist are married and it rules

percentage of online pokemon fans who have memorized the alt code necessary to always type the accent on the e

I like how the gym leaders are supposed to be this elite crew of master trainers but their actual job is to just get constantly wrecked by children

Honestly the way you can just walk into a GIANT STADIUM and challenge whoever and the entire world has no visible economy outside of facilitating children's pokemon matches feels... incredibly surreal?

like the whole world is this artificial disneyland facade; a giant show being put on for the benefit of entertaining kids. Like a continent-sized lasertag birthday party or something

(obv this is true of ANY game to some extent but it feels weirdly pronounced here)

(remembering those ancient Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged videos where every time some ultra high-ranking politician or business person mentioned "duels" they'd just replace it with "a children's card game")

punkfriends

🤔🤔🤔

whoa this game actually has a really cool image-based lens flare effect? I've literally never seen it before this one room that has a sufficiently dark background for it to be visible

I feel like Bea's hair was not really intended to be viewed from this angle lol

I finished pokemon

I didn't like pokemon very much

I dunno that it's like A Bad Game or anything but combat is mad boring and there sure isn't much besides combat

this is depressing because I really WANTED to like pokemon :(

while you fools were all making yourselves feel bad by watching the bad gamer commercials, *I* wisely chose to feel bad by forcing myself to finish a game I did not enjoy playing

the part I legit enjoyed was the short bit towards the end where Marnie and Piers were tagging along and it felt like a JRPG with, like, characters and a plot and stuff

like, screw the pokemon, give me a PARTY with personalities and cool combat synergy and dramatic arcs

....which of course means what I want to play is very much Not Pokemon and I should really just go start another giant-ass JRPG if I want that lol